Tip 128) 13 tips for having difficult conversations

Let's face it - none of us really enjoy having difficult conversations. They can be unpleasant and uncomfortable, which is why we often put them off until they cause an even bigger problem.

But remember Tip 74 - you deserve what you tolerate! As much as you may not want to have the 'difficult' conversation - it just has to be done. 

1. For starters - try reframing how you think about it. If you think you need to have a 'difficult' conversation, then you will be approaching it with a pretty negative energy. Call it an opportunity for you to practice your assertiveness skills instead.
2. Approach it with the mindset that you are going to try to make it a positive process and experience.
3. Be prepared. Be clear on what you need to say and the outcome you desire.
4. Manage your emotions. Getting angry, upset or frustrated is not going to help the situation. Remember that you can't always control the situation but you can control your emotions. 
5. Use 'I' statements rather than 'you' statements. Make it about you, not them – it's less confrontational. 
6. Avoid words like 'never', 'always', 'must', and 'need to'.
7. Discuss the impact of the behaviour you are looking to change – don't get personal.
8. Be specific. Don't skirt around the issues hoping they'll get the message! Some of you may remember the '80s 'shit sandwich' technique where you start with a positive, then have the difficult conversation, then finish on a positive. Whilst this technique does have it's merits (despite the awful name!), it can be very easy to focus on the positives so much that the actual message is lost.  
9. Always have these conversations in private.
10. Be timely (unless it is a highly emotional situation). If the conversation is about a specific event, have the conversation as soon  as possible. 
11. Use Feel, Felt, Found! (Tip 126)
12. Try to keep to a maximum of two issues or they may feel attacked, which can affect confidence and morale.
13. Avoid insincere praise. It's patronising and annoying!  

Keeping you authentic!

Jo x 

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